


Days Gone By

by GeekinthePurple



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, F/F, Faberry, Quinn's POV, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-20
Updated: 2015-05-27
Packaged: 2018-03-18 18:12:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3579078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeekinthePurple/pseuds/GeekinthePurple
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Glee Club had just won Nationals in Chicago and Mr. Schuester had decided they could spend the night there celebrating. It all happened the next day when they were traveling back to Lima. A car accident and then everything changed for the Glee Club. Every dream, hope and plan they had, disappeared in a matter of seconds. For Rachel and Quinn, this incident will change everything, even if Rachel is still with Finn. </p><p>This story is about how Quinn and Rachel struggle to survive in an apocalyptic world and how they get closer to each other in the process. Written from Quinn's POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This fic starts from a canon point and then moves to AU, because (unfortunately) there are no zombies in Glee. The story has a linear narrative, although it jumps between different days, but always forward. Also I'm not a native English speaker and there could be some mistakes. Hopefully they are not too bad. 
> 
> I'm not fond of AU fics, but I guess this idea got stuck in my head and I couldn't help it; so even if you don't like AUs give it a chance. It may surprise you! ;)
> 
> Enjoy and leave a comment, kudo or whatever. Thanks for reading!

**Present day**

"Fuck! We're trapped!" I mutter angrily walking backwards from the last exist left to check out at the supermarket.

"There must be an emergency door or something," she says worriedly.

"I've checked. We're surrounded." I can't look at her, so I just pace around and think about a way to get out of here.

"There's got to be a way to get out here!" she shouts desperately now.

"I've told you not to come with me!" I remind her. "I would have been fine on my own."

"What? Are you blaming me for this?" she asks with wide eyes and a raised brow, shocked.

"No, it's just that…"I take a deep breath, "Every fucking door is blocked. It was supposed to be an easy job. Get to the supermarket, grab some food, and come back to the camp."

"You know it's always easier said than done," Rachel says.

"I know okay? I didn't mean to say that. I'm sorry." I step forward and wrap my arms around her. "It's just that I don't want you to be here."

"Someone had to come," she states, hugging me tightly.

"But it could have been someone else," I whisper, wishing she would have stayed at the camp.

"No Quinn," Rachel steps back and looks up at me, "I couldn't bear to wait for you another day not knowing if you will come back. It kills me. I rather be here helping you than waiting there doing nothing."

"Okay, okay. Just relax. We'll think of something."

I need to think a way out of here quickly. We don't have much time. The infected are pushing too hard on the supermarket's windows. They are going to break them soon. The back door is full of them and upstairs there's nothing more than clothes. No exit.

I look around. There's nothing here that can help us kill them. Just a bunch of clothes and some cans. It's ironic. We risk our lives to get some food, but there's not even enough food for everyone back at the camp.

"How many bullets you have left?" I ask. Rachel checks her gun.

"Just 11."

"And I have…" My gun only has 5 bullets, but I have another 4 in my pocket. "Nine." It's not enough. It's not even near enough. I load it, thinking about the dozens of them that are outside.

God, I can't let her die here.

"What's the plan?"

"I don't know, but I tell you one thing," I assure her, approaching her and leaning my forehead against hers, "we are making it out of here and we'll leave this stupid city back to the camp, okay?"

She nodded and I kissed her hard, feeling my heart beating fast.

I can't let her see the fear in my eyes. She can't notice my voice trembling. She has to feel that there's a possibility both of us can survive, although I know that's not gonna happen.

The plan is clear to me. She lives, I die. But I'm not ready to say goodbye. We went through hell, and she saved me in more ways than one, but if I have to die for her to live, I will do it without hesitation.

It has been years since everything began: we had won Nationals, Carmen Tibideaux had come to see Rachel sing, I was going to Yale, and Finn and Rachel were going to get married. But none of that happened.

We stayed in Chicago the night after winning Nationals. The next day, when we were coming back to Lima, we got caught in an accident.

It was the day everything went to hell. From that moment on, it got worse and worse.

The first thing I remember is the feeling of being trapped in a nightmare…


	2. Chaos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: From now on, there will be a lot of dark and sad things. It's a zombie apocalypse after all!  
> Thank you to my lovely friend Catie for helping me edit the story :)

**Day 1: Chaos**

I opened my eyes slowly. I wasn't ready for what I saw. I couldn't take my eyes off the scene in front of me. There was a man eating something. Not something, someone. He was eating… Artie?

Someone kneeled beside me. It was Puck.

"You okay?" he said. Was I? I didn't answer.

He helped me up and when I was on my feet again, I saw her. Her hair was drenched in blood and it ran down her face and stained her turquoise dress. Finn was carrying her. What was happening? Was I dreaming? Was this some terrible nightmare where you couldn't wake up until you die?

Mr. Schue was walking backwards with the rest of us at his back. Sam, Mike and Beiste were trying to open the back door. Sue, Joe and Rory were nowhere to be seen and the others seemed just fine.

But she wasn't. She was unconscious in Finn's arms. Her limbs were falling like she was dead. Was she dead? I looked up at Finn. He was crying as if he didn't know what to do. I was too shocked to cry.

I felt there was a fog blocking my hearing and I couldn't listen cleanly to my surroundings. Finn was saying something, again and again and his voice was becoming clearer with each movement of his lips.

"Just open the goddamn door!" I finally heard him yelling impatiently.

Suddenly every noise around me became crystal clear and brought me back to reality. There was a lot of lot of yelling and crying and then a thud. They opened the door.

We got out of the bus disoriented. There was huge accident with several cars and a couple of ambulances involved. There were people injured while others were running like there was no tomorrow.

Why were they running? Soon I knew the reason. Some people were attacking others, like the man on the bus.

Were they like zombies, like in the movies? That was supposed to be science fiction, that couldn't happen in real life. It was a dream. It had to be.

When they grabbed Sugar and I heard her scream in pain while that man bit on her neck I knew it wasn't a dream. It was too real to be a dream.

I walked backwards when a woman pounced on Mrs. Pillsbury. Mr. Schue tried to get her free as he ordered everyone to run. And that's what we did.

Then everything happened really fast. I heard someone yelling something about staying together. I thought it was Sam. While I ran I checked constantly where Finn was. I didn't want to get away from him and Rachel. Even with my initial shock, I was worried.

Puck was next to me. I kept moving not wanting to look back, when suddenly I heard a glass crashing at my right. I saw scared how a hand reached out from the car window, but I sidestepped quickly.

"Quinn!" Puck yelled.

That man inside the car was insane. He kept injuring himself with the broken window just to get to me. I was unable to peel my eyes away from his ghastly towering features; his face was sunken in, eyes unfocused. His mouth twitched and drooled as if craving for something; for me. The smell of blood that was coming out from his face and arms made my stomach churn and I was having a hard time not to vomit. It seemed he had been bleeding from the eyes, but that blood was now dry. The color of his pupils were a mix of dark red and black. I saw everything that I never wanted to see before Puck made me move again.

"C'mon!" he said grabbing me by the arm and pulling.

I focused again on running. My yellow dress allowed me to move freely, even if it was below my knee, but my brown leather sandals didn't let me run as fast as I would have liked to in that situation. At that moment, I wished I had my trainers and my cheerleader uniform.

Coach Beiste said something about the woods. Yes, it was a good idea. Everybody that I saw turned right into the woods to move away from the road. A guy blocked Tina and Mike's path. They stepped back.

It was the last time I saw them.

I ran as fast as I could, not taking my eyes away from her. Brittany and Santana where right behind me. Kurt, Blaine, Sam and Beiste were leading the way followed by Finn. The more we ran, the less I could hear the screams and the more I could think.

Beth… Was this happening everywhere or was it just there? Was it under control?

"Puck! _"_  I called. He turned to look at me. He understood what I meant instantly.

"Just keep running for now," he said.

When we got to what it seemed safe land, Beiste said something about catching our breaths.

Everybody stopped and walked towards Finn, who was laying Rachel on the ground. She couldn't be dead. Someone asked. It was Kurt.

Finn leant forward and listened carefully.

"She's breathing," he said relieved. He took his jacket off and started cleaning her. Beiste kneeled beside her and checked her wounds. As a football team coach, she had enough knowledge on first aid techniques.

"Her wounds aren't that bad at first sight. I thought they were worse because of all the blood, but I'm not sure if this is all hers," she said pointing at her dress. "However I cannot tell if she has a severe concussion," Beiste announced.

"We need to get some help," Finn said.

"What the hell is happening?" Santana prompted. It was a rhetorical question, because no one there knew the answer.

I took my phone and dialed Shelby's number. Then my mum's. Nothing.

"Try your phones," I said and the answers came almost instantly. The lines were jammed. No internet connection neither. Phones had stopped working when we left Chicago a few hours before, but we hadn't given it too much thought because we were still enjoining our victory.

"We'll figure out something, but we need to know first what's happening."

"Maybe it was just this accident," Mercedes offered.

"Or maybe not…" Kurt added.

"What can we do?" Sam asked.

"We should stop for now." That was Blaine.

"What!? We are not going to stop. We need help!" Santana said.

"And what are you suggesting? We can't get back to the road, our phones don't work and Rachel is injured!"

"Don't shout at me! You hear me? Don't even try to raise your fucking voice at me!" Santana yelled.

"Are you going to stop me?" Blaine responded defiantly.

"Of course I am!" Santana walked towards him, but was stopped by Beiste in a second.

"Everybody calm down!" Beiste ordered.

"Tell her to fucking calm down!" It was the first time I heard Blaine swear.

"Santana stop," Beiste ordered, but she kept fighting until the only thing that was left was a sobbing mess. Everybody watched in silence the scene. Kurt was also crying while he went next to Rachel to hold her hand.

"Blaine is right," Beiste began, "it's getting dark and it's too dangerous to get back to the road," she finished.

"No," Finn objected, "I'm not going to stay here watching her like that," he added pointing at Rachel. "We're not too far from Plymouth. I've seen it on the signs. There has to be a clinic or something there."

"He's right." That was the first time I spoke and I agreed with him. Suddenly everybody seemed to be arguing with themselves.

"I'm going," Santana said and after that everybody approved Finn's idea.

"Errr, guys?" Puck began, "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why?" Finn asked.

"I'm probably not the smartest person here, but if what is happening is what I think it is, the worst thing we can do is going to a city, and even worse to a hospital."

"Why do say that?" I intervened, "Rachel is injured. We need a doctor."

"Okay, listen to me," he began before anyone could call him stupid or something, "at the accident there were a couple of ambulances involved. My theory? The crazy people came out of those ambulances, which means that they were going to a hospital. Imagine how many of them got to the hospital by this time and went crazy there."

"That's just a theory," Finn said.

"Look," Puck insisted, "I've read, watched and played everything that is related to zombies—"

"Zombies!?" Kurt interrupted, "Are you insane?"

"Call them whatever you want, but you saw them eating, biting and attacking other people."

"Okay, what's your point?" Blaine asked impatiently.

"My point is that all the information on this issue agrees in at least three things: Avoid highways, don't go to a hospital or medical center and get away from populated areas."

"Those are just theories," Finn claimed.

"Or maybe not…" Sam spoke up, "I'm not that much into the zombie world, but I think zombies or not, what Puck is saying makes perfect sense."

"Thank you," Puck agreed, "In short, more people more chances to find trouble."

"Maybe he's right," Kurt added. It made sense, but I still thought that we needed a doctor to check on Rachel.

"Fine. You can stay, but I'm going to take her to—"

We all turned to look at Rachel while she stirred up slowly, sounds of murmurs and groans coming quietly from her lips.

"Rach?" Finn responded quickly, kneeling beside her.

"Finn?" she opened her eyes a bit and looked around. We locked eyes and I felt a wave of relief as a smile formed on my lips.

"How are you feeling?" he asked helping her to sit up.

"A little dizzy and my head hurts." She looked at her surroundings confused "What happened? Where are we?" Her voice was soft and weak, but I could sense the concern on her tone.

"Well," Finn tried, "We had a car accident but it got worse after that."

"Worse?"

No one answered. Beiste took a deep breath and began explaining her everything. Each word she said felt like a stab to everyone. It was like a reminder of who wasn't there anymore.

Rachel's eyes were covered in tears and she wasn't the only one. She asked a lot of questions, but we didn't have answers for any of them.

"What are we going to do now?"

"We're going to Plymouth, so someone there can check your cuts Finn replied. "Can you walk?" Rachel nodded.

"So we are finally going to a city?" Puck asked disappointed.

"You don't have to come if you don't want to," Finn answered abruptly.

"No, we should stick together. We are all going."

That day I knew what it was like to feel scared.

* * *

  **Night 1: She's okay**

There wasn't enough room for all the amount of people who were in the hospital. They had a whole floor in quarantine and a lot of people feeling ill were coming. The hall was full and we were all gathered around Rachel. A nurse came to treat her wounds, and she said they were superficial.

A man explained us that the police was evacuating Manhattan, because something was making people more aggressive. At that point only one channel was working and the only thing they were saying was that we had to stay at home. He told us that most websites on the internet were blocked. No YouTube, newspapers, Facebook… Nothing.

When we had entered the hospital I felt safer, because there were policemen everywhere, but as time went by I felt less secure. There were too many people in a small space. Particularly there was a woman next to us coughing up blood and no one was taking care of her. It was making me nervous.

"How much time are we going to stay here?" I asked.

"They are going to give her some painkillers and Beiste is talking with the police to see if they can help us get to Lima," Finn replied.

"Why don't we try to get some sleep? We're safe here." That was Blaine.

I looked at Puck. He made me feel safe just by staying next to him. I sat on the floor and so did he. He hugged me so I could use him as a pillow.

Rachel was in front of me wrapped in Finn's arms, while I was in exactly the same place with Puck. We looked at each other and a weak smile appeared in my face. She responded the same way before closing her eyes. I was glad she was here with us.

That night, against all odds, I managed to sleep.


	3. No exit

**Day 2: No exit**

I didn't know how much time passed since I fall asleep, but as the hospital lights hit my eyes I thought I heard my mom calling. It was an illusion. She wasn't there and I wasn't at home.

I opened my eyes and realized where I was. The chaos around us was overwhelming. I rubbed my eyes again and then I instinctively searched for something that could soothe me. I found a pair of chocolate brown eyes staring at me.

We understood each other like any time before. She was wishing this was all a dream and felt terrified when she realized it wasn't. Just like me.

It was happening. It was real. Artie and Sugar were dead. Mike, Tina, Mr. Shue and Mrs. Pillsbury were missing, if not dead too. I didn't know if my mom or Beth were okay.

Finn said something to Rachel and I remembered the woman on the stretcher. She had stopped coughing. It seemed she was asleep. Good.

Beiste started waking everybody up. She had an idea; an idea that failed before she could began explaining it, because a strangled cry echoed through the hall followed by others in no time.

I saw how people began running in our direction. We got up and Finn looked above the people in the hall.

"Get out!" he yelled with a terrified expression on his face.

I began moving and fighting to reach the exit while the police tried to get in. We needed to get out of there. I looked back and saw the woman who had fell asleep getting up and attacking a man. I started to push harder so I could get out of there.

When we reached the exit there were cops everywhere trying to calm people, but when one of them got attacked by a civilian they began shooting. We weren't safe anymore.

"We have to get out of here now!" Beiste yelled before a guy pounced on her. She tried to get rid of him, but I couldn't watch anymore as I felt a firm hand on my arm pulling.

"C'mon!" Puck yelled making my feet react. We ran like we did before.

There was no time to think.

* * *

  **Night 3: Helpless**

We reached some farming lands. No people near us. Everything was quiet. Too quiet. There was a barn and no cars to be seen and it seemed like there was no one there, but it was worth to check if there was something useful and at leastit had doors and we could be safe, just for the night.

Puck, Sam and Finn kept watch just in case. There was no food or water, but at least it wasn't cold. No one had spoken. It was as if everybody was immersed in their own thoughts. At least I was.

Watching films where people were caught in these situations was a different story than living them. This wasn't any movie where the super mom got to rescue her daughter. If I tried to get to New York, I probably wouldn't make it near the city, so the only thing I could do was cry.

But I wasn't the only one that felt that way. We all felt helpless. We had no direction. We were lost and we didn't know what could do.

Brittany and Santana were sleeping in one others arms while Blaine tried to comfort Kurt. It was as if we were strangers. Everybody had their own problems wondering their minds and we were all scared. Although we were together and they were staying just a few feet from me, I felt more lonely than ever.

I was sat on the floor with my back against the wall and my face hide among my arms. Even if I wanted to sleep and forget about everything for just some hours, all I could do was cry.

"Hey," Rachel said sitting next to me. I didn't answer. I just continued sobbing. "I'm sure she's okay." She was talking about Beth. "I'm sure Shelby is taking care of her. She will protect her with her life."

"Maybe that isn't enough," I said between sobs.

"Maybe she escaped before everything began. You don't know that." I said nothing and she continued, "I was thinking that maybe we could keep us company while Finn and Noah are on guard."

That night I found myself sleeping in Rachel's arms.

* * *

  **Day 4: Friends**

"We need a car," Finn said. "There is no way we can get anywhere walking and it's not safe. Rachel is still weak and she can't walk too much."

"Finn, excuse me," Rachel cut in, "I'm not special here. I will walk as much as needed, but I agree with you. We need something faster than our legs."

"Maybe we should get back to the road," Kurt suggested.

"We can't defend ourselves, so we shouldn't be exposed to any threat," Puck explained.

"But maybe the police solved everything," Kurt insisted.

"You saw what happened at the hospital. I don't think the police are going to help us. They didn't look like they knew what's going on," Puck said.

"What if we check the house that is near the barn?" Sam suggested.

"I don't think that's a good idea," I said. "What if they attack us?"

"But," Santana started speaking, "What if there's someone at that house that could help us? I think we should try."

"Let me guess…" I began, "You want Puck to go again, right?" I said getting up and confronting her. Her reaction surprised me.

"I don't want to fight, Quinn. I think we all should go."

"No fucking way," Puck exclaimed. "What do you think people do in these situations?"

"Shoot first, ask questions later," Finn intervened.

"Yeah. A scout should take a look first. Any volunteers?" Puck asked and in a second Finn was raising his hand.

"No way," Rachel said taking his hand down calmly.

"Puck went to check the barn last time. It's fair if I go this time," Finn spoke to Rachel.

"Bro, don't take this too personally, but you wouldn't be a good scout," Puck said.

"I'll go," I said. Everybody looked at me, shocked, and when I thought it was going to be Puck the one to object, Rachel surprised everybody.

"You are not!" she almost shouted. There was a small silence, before Puck came to support her.

"Sam can come," Puck said in an instant.

After a not too long argument about who would be the better scout, they decided that it was best if Sam and Puck went together to the house. They were athletic and they knew how to move silently and stealthily. I didn't want to argue; I was still thinking about Rachel looking at me terrified when I volunteered.

What was all that about? She didn't react that way when Finn volunteered. It wasn't as if I cared that much, but her eyes showed a fear I'd never seen before. I honestly didn't want to think too much about it. She just probably thought that one of the guys could be a better scout. That was all.

A long hour after they came back in one piece and with some company. There was a family living in that house: the father, James, the mother, Joana, and two little girls, Lily and Sara. The girls were about six and ten years old respectively. It was nice to find someone who was not trying to kill you.

They told us what they knew. While we were so caught in our Nationals contest, it seemed like there had been several cases of violence in some New York, Washington and Philadelphia hospitals, disturbances and lot of military presence. That was the official story, but there had been people on the internet that had uploaded some videos of people attacking other people in Las Vegas, and soldiers shooting mercilessly. So, it wasn't happening solely on the east coast.

Even though we didn't have internet connection on our phones, the cable had kept working for a few hours before the lockdown. The phones were overwhelmed. Although they were still working, it was useless to try calling anyone. The only reports on the radio and the TV were vague in details. They advised people to stay in their homes. They spoke about New York. It was in quarantine and the army didn't let anyone in or out. It was the same with Washington and Philadelphia, but nothing was heard about the west coast. Were they hiding information?

However they were still trying to calm down the population assuring us that everything was under control. Millions of people lived in those cities. I couldn't imagine a way to keep them all at bay, not when they all were so aggressive.

The main question was how exactly that happened in a couple of days. James' theory was that it had been happening for a while, but they didn't report it openly and maybe that was the reason it was spreading. There wasn't a good explanation for anything that was happening.

After eating something substantial provided by the family, they gave us some blankets and pillows and offered us the living room to spend the night.

They were good people.

* * *

  **Night 4: Safe**

The sun was gone by now and a solitary candle was the only thing lighting the living room. The furniture layout was the typical for a living room. There was a large sofa oriented towards the TV and two small ones facing each other and next to the big one. The sofas had a pink and white floral motif. Also, in the middle of them there was a little wooden coffee table.

I was barely lying on the small sofa to the left with a yellow blanket covering my legs. We were all wearing the same clothes and I was grateful for having at least a blanket so my legs didn't get cold.

As I observed the scene in front of me, it almost reminded me of how we had slept at Nationals in New York. Almost.

Everybody was asleep, except for Finn and Puck who were on guard outside. Santana and Brittany were sleeping deeply on the larger couch while Kurt, Blaine, Sam and Mercedes where on the floor around the coffee table. But the only one in the room who was getting my attention was Rachel.

She was on the other sofa in front of me and, although she seemed asleep, her breathing wasn't steady. Her eyes were closed and her features were relaxed, but I could tell that she wasn't truly resting.

The warm light bathed her face and made her caramel skin look darker. To be honest, although I had never admitted it because I was too busy calling her names, she was pretty. I could appreciate beauty when I saw it, but saying it out loud was a different thing.

But that wasn't a problem for her. Even if everybody had told me millions of times how beautiful I was, she had been the only one to see beyond my pretty face, and not only once, but twice. She was better than me. She had always been.

Suddenly she opened her eyes wide with dread and leaned forward quickly while the rhythm of breathing fastened. I instinctively attempted to get up, but I got back to my previous position hastily, as if trying to hide my concern. However she noticed my movements and soon her eyes were focused on mine.

I was sure she had a nightmare, because her eyes were full of fear. I didn't know why, but I felt the need to calm her down and hug her. Without too much thought, I smiled at her and motioned with my head for her to come closer.

"Come here," I whispered softly to back my gesture.

She kept looking at me for a couple of seconds before reacting.

That night Rachel slept in my arms.


	4. Goodbye

**Day 5: Goodbye**

A terrifying sound woke me up. I tightened my embrace on Rachel the moment I heard it. She did the same. It was dawning and the light was streaming through the windows giving a gloomy atmosphere to the house. James was downstairs in no time with a rifle on his hand and Joana and the girls at his back.

"There are like 3 of them trying to get inside," Puck informed entering the living room.

"Okay," James mumbled. "You three come with me. The rest stay here."

He pointed at Puck, Finn and Sam. He thought they were the most capable to do the job and he was right. The thing was that when you watch all those films, men tend to take the part as the protectors. Not because they aren't scared, but because they think that was their role to play.

Besides, I was too terrified to do anything, so I just stood there hugging Rachel like she was the only thing I had. We heard voices and gunshots and that was when Santana got up from his spot next to Brit and began speaking.

"We have to do something," she stated. No one answered. "We are not going to stay longer, so take whatever useful you see around and prepare to move."

It took us just a few seconds to react, but we did. Rachel got up and I followed her. We didn't separate from each other.

I found a metal letter opener and a candy bar just before the guys came back.

"It was your fucking fault!" Puck yelled at Finn as they came back.

"I'm okay, dude. It's nothing. Just let it be," Sam assured showing a wound on his arm.

"You're not okay. One of them grabbed you and it was his fault!" Puck accused pointing at Finn.

"What happened?" Rachel asked stepping forwards and leaving my side. I felt lonely the moment she left, although the room was full of people.

"Your boyfriend let those things grab Sam!" Puck explained angrily.

"Those  _things_  were the Thompsons," James clarified.

"What do you mean 'let'?" I ignored James clarification and moved to stand next to Rachel.

"I-I-I froze," Finn confessed softly.

"You just fucking stood there watching!" Puck insisted.

"It was a girl okay?" Finn threw his hands up in despair, "I didn't know what to do! She was like 15! I'm sorry Sam!"

"It's not your fault man. I'm fine," Sam assured.

"What if it's like in the movies?" Brittany interrupted. It was the first time she spoke since the beginning and she said exactly what everyone else was thinking. I could see the concern in Sam's face.

"It's nothing. Really. You don't have to worry." The moment Sam said that, the rifle was aimed at him. Everyone gasped. Rachel's hand was on mine in a split of a second. Sam took a step backwards and lifted her hands as a sign of redemption.

"Hey, take it easy man," Puck offered trying to calm James. "He said he's fine."

"I'm not taking any risks," James warned. Was he really going to shot Sam?

"You don't know if that's gonna happen," Puck rationalized.

"Daddy…" the little girl begged. God, my heart was about to burst out of my chest. The man took a deep breath hearing his daughter's voice.

"Just leave," he ordered without lowering his weapon.

"Okay. We're leaving."

One by one we left the house to find ourselves back on the road.

After leaving the family lands while James made sure we left, we found another farm not too far from James'. Thankfully it was empty. Maybe it was the house of the Thompsons, because everything was intact. There was food and water, so we decided to stay there, eat something and see what we were going to do next.

We gathered around the living room table to discuss our possibilities. Rachel was sat on Finn's knees and I was standing next to Sam and leaning against the wall.

"We have to figure out what we are going to do," Puck began.

"Can I say something?" Kurt prompted without waiting for an answer, "I think we should get back to Lima. We are only a few miles away and our families are there."

"How do you know that?" Santana asked.

"They won't leave without us. I'm sure my father is there waiting for me," Kurt declared. I could tell by his expression that he wasn't sure.

"You don't know that. Maybe they've evacuated the city or something," Santana clarified.

"I think he's right." That was Rachel. "We don't know how things are in Lima and our best chance is to find our families."

"And what if the city is full of them?" Santana inquired, "We don't know anything. Yes, it seems that it began in the east, but we are hundreds miles away from New York and those things are here."

"She has a point," I agreed, "I think the information they are giving us is fake or it's not complete."

"We don't have any chances on our own. We need to find some answers at least. If the sick people are in Lima, the military will be there and we can ask them for some help." That was Blaine.

"Yeah, maybe there's some place safe where they send people," Brittany spoke again. She seemed better than a few hours ago. Maybe her thoughts that this was a dream lasted longer than for the rest.

"So everybody agrees?" Puck asked. It was a good idea and it was the only option.

Everybody answered except for Sam. I looked at him and he was rubbing his eyes.

"Are you okay?" I said resting my hand on his shoulder.

"I think I have something in the eye," he answered.

"Let me see." He removed his hands from his eyes. The moment I saw it I stepped back. "Oh my God," I mumbled covering my mouth with my hand. Everyone else looked at the scene in front of me.

"What?" he asked. No answer. "What is it?" he demanded alarmed and then he looked at his hands. They were covered in blood. "God…"

"Y-Your eyes are b-bleeding," I stammered with concern and fear.

"What is this!? Is this because the scratch!? I'm feeling okay!" His voice was louder at every word he said.

"Just try to calm down," Puck said approaching him.

"How do you want me to calm down? I'm bleeding from the eyes!"

"We'll seek help," Puck assured. Sam took a look around the room. His bleeding eyes landed on every person there.

"I know those looks! I know what you are thinking! I'm just fine! It's me!" He was having a panic attack. My eyes filled with tears. I couldn't believe this was happening. His pupils were still blue, but the rest of the eye was red instead of white and there was blood coming out of his tear ducts.

"Calm down Sam. Why don't we go to the sofa, so you can rest? We'll figure out something, okay?" Puck insisted resting her hand on Sam's back.

I looked at Finn and saw the guilt on his face.

Mercedes got up and walked towards him. They looked at each other and then she grabbed his hand hard. When they started walking towards the door, he took a last look at us and then he locked eyes with me.

That was the last time I could see Sam as everyone knew him.

* * *

  **Day 7: Answers**

"Don't fucking move!" the soldier ordered aiming his gun at us.

We were on the outskirts of Fort Wayne when we saw the military. We approached one of them to ask for help, but he responded by aiming his weapon at us.

"We are not sick! I swear! We need help!" Puck shouted.

For a second, I thought the soldier was going to pull the trigger, but he didn't. He kept his gun up and called other soldiers.

When his colleagues came, some of them began looking for wounds, while others made sure we didn't move. They inspected us, one by one, although we kept saying that we weren't sick. But they weren't listen. If we weren't teenagers I really thought they had just shot us.

The man who was checking me had dark eyes and I couldn't see anything on them. They were just empty, like he was a machine following orders. His uniform was stained with blood and a scar ran down his right cheek. He seemed taken out from an Oliver Stone movie.

I looked at Mercedes, who was biting her lower lip hard. Then my eyes landed on Rachel. A blonde young man was examining her. First he checked the arms, legs and then her neck and her back. When the soldier lifted her hair and saw one of the wounds from the accident, he went crazy.

I saw all happening in slow motion. In a second, he took her by hair and threw her to the ground forcefully. I reacted instantly. I stepped forward and so did Puck and Finn.

We became enemies in the blink of an eye. Again they aimed their weapons at us. Rachel was on the ground just a couple of feet from me raising her hands in the air begging the soldier not to shoot her.

"She is not infected!" I yelled hysterically, "We had a car accident!" Was I crying? "Let her go!"

"Shut up!" the man with the scar ordered, at the same time he blocked my path with his rifle pointed at me.

"Please, don't hurt her," I begged. I couldn't notice the tears, but my vision was becoming blurred. I was definitely crying. I couldn't see her dying in front of me. I just couldn't.

"Shut your fucking mouth!" he said again moving her gun closer to my head.

"Please," I whispered looking at the soldier in the eye.

They were maddened. Finn insisted that Rachel was fine, that the wound happened a few days ago. He tried to reach for her, but the only thing he got was a punch in the face.

I fixated my gaze on Rachel again. She kept crying, but she wasn't looking at the soldier above her. Instead of that, her eyes were focused on mine. I just couldn't bear the thought of that man shooting Rachel because of nothing.

"Please!" I repeated louder, "Just check the fucking wounds again! We're telling the truth!"

The soldiers hesitated for a second, until, the one who seemed to be in command, waved them to re-examine the wound. The soldier aiming his weapon at Rachel obeyed. He leaned down and checked her eyes, nose and gums. He finally nodded. What that meant?

"Lower your weapons," the man in charge ordered. I sighed in relief. "You should head to Chicago ASAP. We are arranging a quarantine zone there."

Finn helped Rachel to stand up and they hugged. At least she had someone.

"What about Lima?" Puck asked.

"Forget it. It's not safe and we're not going to let you pass this city. If you had family there, they are probably heading to a quarantine zone or they are just dead," the sergeant answered bitterly.

"How are we supposed to get to Chicago?" Finn added.

"We can't go with you. We're cleaning the cities on this sector." Cleaning? " You can pick one of the cars on the road. I'm sure they still have fuel," the sergeant suggested. "Close the windows and doors and use always secondary roads. You should be fine."

"Can you tell us what's happening?" Santana interrupted.

"I'm afraid we don't have too much information," the man in his forties answered. "It's some kind of virus. The infected people aren't themselves anymore. If someone you know is infected, don't ask questions, don't try to rationalize with them, just run or, if you can, hit them on the head. Just remember that the person you used to know is not there anymore. Okay?" he finished.

I nodded, but honestly I wasn't acknowledging what he said, because I couldn't imagine killing my mum or my friends.

The sergeant waved his squad to continue. "Good luck," he offered before turning around and heading towards the inside of the city.

That day I risked my life for the first time to save someone. Not someone, but Rachel Berry.


	5. Not again

**Day 9: Not again**

We headed back to Chicago in a couple of cars we found on our way there, but we had to abandon them and continue on foot, because the road was blocked. There were many people who had the same idea, and were heading to Chicago. Thankfully we didn't have any incidents along the way.

We had heard on the radio that the infection could be related with some neurotoxins and it might spread through the air. That radio station ceased reporting a day before and there was only one reporting station left for government reports.

The president declared the state of emergency in the east coast and advised people to move to the nearest city with a quarantine zone. Chicago was one of them.

Each road that leaded to the city was blocked by the military and everybody who came from the south was bound to take the Dan Ryan Expressway. There were helicopters and soldiers heavily armed everywhere. The entry was full of people queuing to get inside. There were improvised gates made with fences and cars, but the control was located exactly on the train station, so they benefited from its buildings and the flyovers who allowed the military better control of the zone. There was even a tank blocking one of the streets that lead to the suburbs.

We asked several soldiers about the situation. Their only answer was to head to the controls and that was what we did.

The place was a chaos, although, at the same time, the situation seemed more or less under control. There was a huge amount of people pushing to try to get first to the gates. The noise invaded the place and sometimes the military shot into the air to calm people down.

It was getting dark and there were still a lot of people before us. I couldn't stop looking around us. Some of them could be infected, so I just wanted to get to those gates as soon as possible.

The world was going crazy, but we were going to be safe in Chicago. My mother was going to be there and if Shelby wasn't, I could try to get some news about them. They were safe. They had to be.

Finally, after hours of waiting, we arrived at the narrow corridor between fences and soldiers that lead towards the control. We noticed the soldiers were pricking people's arms with a sophisticated syringe that had a light at the top. Depending on the color of the light, they took them in different directions. I could guess that the good direction was just straight into the city, where there were several trucks waiting to be full with people to take us somewhere else. If the screen showed otherwise they took them to the left, where I lost sight of them between the buildings.

We kept advancing and when there was only like 10 people in front of us, I felt a hand squeezing mine. I looked at my side and there she was.

"I don't want them to separate us," Rachel confessed looking at me. I supposed she was talking about the group.

"They won't," I assured, squeezing her hand harder.

Puck was ahead with Blaine and Kurt. Finn was in front of Rachel and San and Brit were before him. Mercedes was at my right. I took her hand instinctively.

They began making the test to each of us and everybody passed. When it was Rachel's turn, I felt my heartbeat quickening. I didn't want to let go of her hand, although I knew she was just fine, the fear of losing someone else was still there.

A green light flashed and the soldier leaded her towards the trucks. I breathed in relief.

As Rachel walked away from the crowd, she turned around and we locked eyes. I smiled at her trying to reassure her. Then I took a last look at Mercedes while walking towards the soldiers. I froze in place.

The man urged me to hurry up and I walked the little distance that was left towards the control. A tear slid down my face while he made the test. He looked me in the eye. His gaze was light green and it showed nothing but fear. I almost could hear what he was thinking.

The light turned green and they lead me where the others were.

"What's wrong?" Rachel asked noticing my tears.

I didn't answer. I just looked back at the control where Mercedes was. What could I do? I was no superhero. What an ordinary teenager could do in that situation?

The soldier with green eyes didn't even make her the test. Mercedes' eyes were beginning to turn red like it happened with Sam.

Everybody watched as they carried her to the left. Kurt took a few steps towards her, but he was stopped by a soldier. Rachel grabbed my arm with force. Her nails were digging in my skin, but I didn't feel any pain in that moment and I was sure she wasn't aware of it.

"Make her the fucking test you son of a bitch!" I heard Finn saying somewhere behind me.

My eyes were fixated on Mercedes as she screamed for help. She was crying and her tears were already red when she disappeared among the buildings.

I looked back at the soldier at the control with eyes full of tears. His light gaze showed pure sadness. He silently offered me an apology before getting back to work. There was no time to care.

And what could I do?

Nothing.

* * *

  **Night 9: Just sing**

They brought us to an auditorium. Guess which one. Yes, the one where a few days before we had won Nationals.

The military told everybody that they were organizing several parts and buildings in the outskirts of the city so they could relocate us. They were closing the city center and the east. They were dividing the rest of the city in several quarantine zones, so they could control each zone better.

Some volunteers gave us food and water and there were nurses and cops requesting our names and ids. We asked for our families, but they hadn't the lists completed, so they didn't know if they were in other controls.

The only thing we could do at that moment was wait.

The red drop curtain was open and the stage was full with people; some of them were sleeping and others crying. We were sitting in circle in one of the aisles between burgundy velvet seats. Each of us was near their partners and I was next to Puck.

"I can't believe we were performing on this scenario a few days ago," Santana confessed after some minutes of silence since we finished eating.

"It seems like a lifetime since we were here," Finn added.

"Remember when they announced us as the winners?" Brittany paused, "I was so happy…" Santana squeezed her hand and offered a sad smile.

"I remember the confetti and the feel of the trophy in my hands," Kurt's voice was just a whisper, but it got to my ears.

It was the first time we got the chance to think about what had happened without being worried about our lives. We hadn't said anything about our friends, but what could we say? No one really had the guts to say something, because that could mean acknowledging that they weren't with us anymore.

I looked at Rachel and noticed that she had her eyes fixed in nowhere in particular. I couldn't read her expression, but I imagined she was thinking something similar.

Suddenly she fixed her gaze on me and without warning, she started singing softly.

I had never heard her sang like that. Her voice filled the place, even though she was singing very soft and the noises didn't allow the voice to spread easily. When the first verse ended, my eyes were full of tears. Nobody sang along with her. We just listened and let our emotions flow.

I was so caught in the moment that I didn't notice that Rachel and I were looking at each other while she sang. Her chocolate brown eyes, filled with tears too, were locked on mine. Her voice soothed me and made me feel like I wasn't there. She took me to some place warm and safe, where everything could be like it was before.

Her voice always had had that special power that made you feel anything she wanted you to feel. It was full of emotion and meaning.

As she finished the song, she leaned on Finn's chest and started crying hard.

After a while, when I was falling asleep watching her sleeping form, one of the last verses echoed in my head.

_Hush now, close your eyes before the sleep, and you're miles away, and yesterday you were here with me._

That night I realized it could never be the same.


	6. Where are you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has some dark issues that deal with child's death and suicide. You've been warned.

**Day 45: Where are you?**

There were a few new names in the survivors list, but nothing about my mom, Shelby or Beth. I went every day to that huge wall and searched among the infinite names on the lists.

Almost two months passed and we were still receiving the first news from other quarantine zones. It was obvious that the protocols didn't prepare the government for that kind of emergency. We heard rumors about Canada and even London. We didn't know if they were true, but the fact that it could be happening in Europe scared me to no end.

We were fine in Chicago. It was like living in a small city, because we couldn't move too much from our zone at the outskirts, but there was food and water. We had even a local we could go to try and have some fun. The military was trying to distract us and make us feel that everything was going to be okay, but I wasn't so sure about that.

"Hey," I heard Finn greeting from behind me. "Did you check all the lists?"

"Yes," I answered turning around. "Nothing." He nodded sadly.

"Let's eat something," he offered.

When we were walking away from the wall, we saw a soldier coming with a sheet in her hand. We both stopped on our tracks. The closer the soldier got the more nervous I was.

"It's just a few more names," she said adding that new sheet next to the older ones.

We approached the wall again and began reading the new names. Some people that saw it were pushing us so they could read it too. No names were familiar to me, until I reached the last one.

"Finn!"

"I saw it!" he said happier than ever. Carole Hudson-Hummel was the last one on the list."She's alive Quinn! She's alive!" he shouted excited while he hugged me.

People were looking at us, some of them with envy and others with a smile of hope on their faces.

Finn headed to building G-42, where new survivors stayed the first night and I went straight to tell the others.

We arrived at building G-42 shortly after Finn and we could witness a scene of happiness that I thought I could never get the chance to see again. Finn was hugging his mother like there was no tomorrow. Both of them were crying and we just stood there watching closely, but leaving them some privacy. Kurt joined the scene and hugged her, although I was sure he was terrified, because his father wasn't there.

She looked around at the rest of us as more tears invaded her face. She hugged Rachel first and when she wrapped her arms around me I could see how her expression changed. She seemed sad and that worried me.

"Oh my god, I can't believe you are all here!" she said finishing the hugs.

"I'm sorry if this seems rude," Kurt began, "but where's my dad?"

In an instant Carole's face became darker. She didn't say anything. Her tears of happiness became tears of pain. Kurt covered his mouth with both his hands and began crying uncontrollably. Carole hugged him, so did Finn, but he didn't move.

"She saved me, darling," Carole whispered. "I owe him the chance to see my sons again."

Kurt didn't say a thing. He got out of the hug and left almost running.

"I'll go after him," Rachel said turning around to follow Kurt.

After a while, Carole told us everything she knew, though she probably omitted some parts. When each of us asked her about our families she had nothing new to say. We told her what happened to the rest and she wasn't able to say anything about it.

When Rachel came back, she informed us that Kurt decided to stay at the apartment.

"Quinn, can I speak to you in private?" Carole asked.

"Why?" I asked defensively, but then I realized it was time to face the reason why her expression changed when she hugged me. "Okay…"

We got up and walked away a few steps from the group. I looked at my right and saw Rachel's eyes fixed on mine. She seemed worried.

"Darling," my breath quickened when she pronounced that word, "your mum was with me when-"

"Don't," I interrupted her. "I know what you are going to tell me," I couldn't face it. "I don't want to hear it."

"Sweetie-" she tried again.

"No!" My tears began to fall without me noticing them. "I don't want to know it!" I yelled. My chest hurt like no time before. I felt I couldn't breathe, it was as if something very heavy was crushing my chest.

"Okay, okay…" she said reaching to hug me. "You don't need to hear anything. It's okay," she tried to soothe me while I cried on her shoulder. "It's gonna be okay…" It wasn't going to be okay. Never again would things be the same.

I looked over Carole's shoulder just to see Rachel looking at me with watery eyes and a pained expression on her face.

I knew that look. I didn't need her pity. I didn't need anything from anyone.

"What are you looking at!?" I yelled at her, getting rid out Carole's embrace. The moment she noticed I was addressing her, she got up from her spot on the floor and looked at me terrified. "I don't need your pity!" I added walking towards her. I didn't know what I was doing.

"I'm not pitying you," she said softly.

"Yes you are! Make that look disappear from your face!" I ordered.

"Quinn, it's not her fault," Carole said approaching me. I ignored her.

"Wipe that expression off your face!" I repeated.

"I can't Quinn," she began, "I can't because I feel the pain in your heart and how the world comes down on you. You want to do something, but you can't. I know how it feels, because I feel it too," she confessed, tears sliding down her face.

I stood there watching how her brown eyes crystalize as the meaning of her words flooded me.

I needed to get out of there.

* * *

  **Day 78: Nothing**

It had been weeks since I had finally spoken with Carole. She had eventually told me the truth when I had asked for it. My mum hadn't made it out of Lima. No news about Beth. She hadn't told me the details; she just said what she thought I needed to know.

The thing was that it didn't make me feel rested. I thought that knowing what had happened could help me to move on, but it didn't. It had made things even worse and the situation in the quarantine zone wasn't helping.

We were under martial law. The military had more control over the quarantine zones. The supplies were rationed, so we could only eat twice a day. We couldn't communicate with other cities, and the only news we had from them came from the military. There was a curfew from 6 pm until 8 in the morning; during the rest of the time all apartment doors had to be open for inspections.

We had found that Blaine's parents were in the other side of the city so they lived together at that moment. I was living with Puck and Kurt and Rachel were staying together in the same building as me. Finn was staying with his mother and Brit was with Santana. At least they allowed us to stay together.

There were group therapies for kids and people that had lost someone or had lived a traumatic experience. I was attending those therapies, but they weren't helping.

I was fed up of everything. I had nightmares every time I closed my eyes. It wasn't even necessary to be asleep to see Artie being eaten or Sam's eyes looking at me while he cried blood. Sometimes it was Beth instead of Artie, or my mom instead of Mercedes. It was more than I could bear.

The people in charge (mainly the military, because we had no news from the government) didn't even understand what was happening, so they didn't know how to fix it. At first the virus was related with some neurotoxins and it could spread through the air, but then they confirmed that it was the blood and the saliva. So at least we knew how to avoid getting infected, but, of course, there was no cure and it didn't look like it was going to be one any time soon.

There was too much pain everyday thinking about what I had lost, and as much as I searched, I could not find any reason to continue. Not even my faith could help me on this, because honestly I wasn't sure if I still believed in God.

I tried to find hope, I really tried. I thought about God every day, trying to find some explanation to what was happening and all that had happened to me, but there wasn't any rational explanation. It just happened. How my faith could possibly be intact? It wasn't. If there was someone up there he wasn't looking after us or doing anything to stop this situation. So, what did I have left? Nothing.

As I walked back to my apartment from the therapy, I heard the recorded voice announcing the curfew. There were soldiers patrolling to make sure everybody went  _home._ We didn't have electricity anymore, so the streets were dimly lit thanks to power generators.

I observed the dirt on the businesses along North Ave. Glass was shattered over the floor and there was nothing else but darkness inside them. A couple of soldiers were chatting cheerfully in front of an old gym. They were even laughing. Sometimes I thought some of them enjoyed the situation.

I was distracted looking at the soldiers when I heard a loud cry and someone almost stumbled over me. It was a man not older than 30 and he was running in the opposite direction I was walking.

I turned around and watched a soldier coming out from a building and running after the man.

"He's infected!" he shouted to the couple of soldiers that had been laughing a few seconds ago.

One of them began chasing the man, who was shouting to someone I couldn't see. The other didn't even move. He just lifted his sniper rifle and aimed it at the man.

Suddenly a children with red trousers appeared in the scene. He ran towards the man, crying. Although they were a few feet from me, I could see it all perfectly.

"John!" the man shouted. "Hide!"

The kid didn't obey. He kept running towards his (I supposed) dad and when they were about to reach each other, I heard the loud sound of a bullet being fired at my side. I closed my eyes instinctively and opened them just to see the man stopping on his tracks and falling to the ground heavily.

My heart stopped beating as I watched the kid kneeling beside his dad. It was all happening in slow motion before my eyes. The soldiers grabbed the kid by the arms and drew him away from the body, while the boy screamed and cried.

I looked at the soldier who fired the bullet and, as he walked towards the kid, I noticed a small smile forming on his lips. I felt like throwing up.

When he was closer to the kid, he kicked the man on the floor to make sure he was dead and then made the test to the boy.

The same soldier, with the United States flag on his uniform, picked up his gun and shot the kid in the head in front of every prying eye that was watching. It was quick and I didn't have time to react.

More soldiers came and ordered us to get back to our apartments and the only thing I could do was obey.

I walked away from the main street with a knot on my stomach and tears in my eyes. What I just witnessed only confirmed that there was no hope left; only pain and death. I was tired, so tired… I didn't have the strength to carry on.

I reached my apartment on Hoyne Ave and Puck wasn't there. He probably went to take our food for the day.

In just a couple of seconds I took the hardest decision I had ever made. I broke a glass, which made more noise than I wanted, and prepared to do something I had never thought I could be able to do.

It's amazing how situations can push you to the limit. You think you are strong enough for what life has prepared for you, but, what happens when you realize that you aren't? You continue to bear each day, as the pain kills you inside, or you give up?

I chose the latter.

I sat on the bathroom floor with a piece of glass in my right hand. I took a deep breath and braced myself for the first cut. It was easier than I thought and it didn't hurt as much as it seemed. I did the same in the other wrist and waited.

I felt dizzy. My eyelids seemed very heavy, though I felt how the weight of my body disappeared and how my mind darkened. It was done. No more pain. Just peace.

"Quinn!" I heard just before I passed out.

That day Rachel saved me from myself.

* * *

  **Day 81: Feelings**

I opened my eyes slowly. My eyelids seemed to weigh more than usual and at first everything was blurred and dark. I shifted my head to the side and blinked several times until my eyes focused on the figure sleeping on the bed next to mine.

She was lying on her side facing me. Her knees were bent towards her chest, which was heaving peacefully. I looked around me and saw the bandages on my wrists. I remembered everything instantly; her cries asking for help and how she hold my wrists hard trying to stop the bleeding. I could only see small flashes of moments, but in each of them her face was always present.

I was alive because of her. She saved me and I couldn't be more grateful for it. I definitely didn't want to die, because being alive at that moment made me feel relieved. The path was going to be rough, but I had people at my side to accompany me on the journey. Rachel was going to be there.

I looked back at her sleeping form and something fired inside me. I felt a huge bond towards her. I was looking at her with brand new eyes, while a new sensation of peace and calm flooded me.

Her white t-shirt made her skin look tanner than usual and her hair, shorter than before, fell over her face making me want to tuck it behind her ear sweetly without waking her up. I couldn't stop thinking about how many times I had called her man hands or treasure trail. None of those insults were justified. She was beautiful.

As I admire her, she opened her eyes slowly and she locked them with mine.

"Quinn, you're awake," she whispered getting up quickly and approaching my bed. I nodded. "How are you feeling?"

I cleared my throat before speaking. "I'm fine." My voice was hoarse.

"You've been sleeping for three days. You lose too much blood…" she informed me sitting on the edge of bed and looking down at me. Her eyes were beginning to fill with tears. "I-I thought you were dead."

"I'm fine," I reassured her, recovering my voice.

"W-Why?" she stammered.

"Bad decision," I replied hoping it was enough reason for her.

"The worst you've made," she added, a tear sliding down her cheek.

"Please, don't cry," I begged not wanting her to hurt anymore. "I was overwhelmed and I couldn't find any reason to keep going. It was stupid," I explained.

"Don't ever do this to me again, to the group," she ordered in that tone so characteristic of the old Rachel Berry.

"I won't. " She then leaned down to hug me. I moved my arms slowly and circled her waist. "Rach," I muttered after a couple seconds, not even realizing I called her like Finn used to.

"Yes?" she said moving away from me.

"Thank you," I whispered looking into her shining eyes.

"No need to thank me," she muttered. "Try to rest a little more. I'll call the nurse and tell the rest that you've woken up."

I nodded and watched her approaching the door. Before exiting the room, she looked back at me and smiled. "I'm glad you're here," she confessed before leaving.

 _So am I,_  I thought to myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	7. Escape

**Day 121: Escape**

I stroked the scars on my wrists as we discussed for the umpteenth time how to escape the quarantine zone.

That morning, the sick had pierced the defenses again. It wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last. We had had many incidents in the last couple months and we had lost communication with other cities.

The soldiers kept saying that there wasn't enough food, but we knew they were lying. They were turning into mercenaries and they were keeping the food for themselves.

The quarantine zone wasn't safe anymore, so when the incidents began, we all agreed to get in shape and learn to defend ourselves to prepare us for anything that could happen. I had missed doing some exercise. It made me feel better.

I had never thought again about that day when Rachel found me. What I had done was absurd. I was a fighter, I'd always been. I had only found one way to escape, and I knew it had been the wrong way.

Rachel had been next to me since then and we had become very close. She even had persuaded or bribed the soldiers in charge of our building to let her live with me and, although I didn't know how she managed to do that, I thanked her for it.

She had showed me that not everything was lost and that as long I was standing, there would be a reason to keep going. She was stronger than I was. She always had been.

We had started talking about leaving the quarantine area a couple of weeks before. It wasn't an easy task, but we all agreed that it had to be done; all, except for Blaine. He decided to stay with his family. Kurt had tried to convince him a thousand times, but eventually they had said goodbye to each other. First knowing about his father's death and then leaving Blaine behind… Kurt was devastated, although he didn't show it too much.

We traced a plan. Thanks to the map Finn had stolen, we knew there was a parking lot not too far from our position, so our main objective was to get to that parking and steal a car (I didn't know if we could say  _steal_  anymore). The problem was that we didn't have too much to defend ourselves out there, and the soldiers – mercenaries – didn't let anyone leave the zone.

"So when the next incident happens, we're leaving, okay?" Finn summarized.

He had become very capable. He was in fit (something I had never thought I could see) and he was very protective when it came to Rachel and his mother. He had grown up drastically. We all had.

The recorded voice announced the curfew and we went back to our apartments.

"Do you think it's going to work?" Rachel asked uncertainly when we entered the apartment.

"Yes," I answered heading to the sofa, "There isn't too much security in the east perimeter and they'll be very busy with the sick to notice us," I finished sitting on it.

She nodded and sat next to me leaning her head on my shoulder. "Do you think we would be friends now if things had happened the way they were supposed to happen?" she mused.

"Honestly? I don't know," I confessed. The silence invaded us and then I remembered something. "I had a present for you back then. I was going to give it to you after Nationals," I said.

She immediately raised her head and looked at me, "Really? What was it?" she asked eagerly.

I turned my gaze to her and smiled before speaking, "A Metro North Pass from New York to New Haven."

"That's so sweet," she smiled bitterly.

"I had one for me into New York and, for what it's worth, I meant to use it," I admitted frankly.

"But you didn't know if I was going to New York. I wasn't even accepted into NYADA," she reminded me.

"I always knew that Carmen Tibideaux would come to her senses sooner or later. You would have been part of NYADA, I'm sure of that. Don't you remember her clapping and smiling proudly?" I asked rhetorically.

"Thank you Quinn," she said giving me a hug.

"You don't have to thank me for something I didn't have the chance to do."

"I'm thanking you for all you've done for me."

"And what's that?" What exactly did I do for her apart from bullying her and making her life a living hell in high school?

She broke the embrace and looked at me surprised. "I think you've done more than you give yourself credit for."

"I don't think so. I should be the one thanking you," I muttered ashamed of myself and looking down at my wrists.

She cupped my face in her hands and lifted it so I could look at her. "Don't even mention that. You are here and I'm here," she said staring through me. "I'm not leaving you alone," she spoke the words slowly, her chocolate eyes fixed on me, revealing more than I could unravel.

"Y'know," I added, "If this hadn't happened, I think we would have been very good friends anyway."

She smiled tenderly but sadly at the same time. I wasn't sure how much time passed, but as I immersed myself into her eyes, I felt time slowing down. I was safe and protected with her. It amazed me how much I cared for her.

When she tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, I realized several minutes had passed. I reacted instantly.

"We should eat something," I suggested getting up from the sofa and offering my hand to her.

"Yeah," she replied as she took my hand.

That night I realized that Rachel had become more than a friend. She was the reason to keep going.

* * *

  **Night 131: Return**

"It's not a good idea," Finn insisted. "We don't know how it's there. It could be dangerous!"

"I know, but what else can we do? We've been on the road with no direction for the last days." Rachel added.

"We should head south," he suggested.

"We can head south anyway, but going first to Lima," she insisted.

"I agree with Rachel on this," Puck began, "I want to see it."

"See what? There's nothing left there," Kurt stated.

"Maybe not for you… or Finn, but if there is a chance to know what happened to my mom, I'm going for it," Puck nodded at the same he pronounced the words.

"Okay, let's vote," Finn concluded, "who wants to go back to Lima?"

I didn't say a word since the conversation began, because I wasn't sure what I wanted. Part of me needed to see my home again and check if there was something there. The other part wanted to stay away from all the memories.

Santana, Rachel and Puck raised their hands. Brittany didn't. I noticed how San looked at her confused. If Santana didn't know the reasons, I could not even imagine them. I stood still.

"And who wants to head south?" Finn asked raising his hand. Kurt and Brittany joined him, but I didn't move and soon every eye in that van was fixed on me.

"Quinn, you didn't vote," Santana began.

Everybody was waiting for me to say something. Return to the past or look ahead.

I watched them and then landed my eyes on Rachel. She was begging me, although she didn't need to beg. I wanted to see it one last time so I could finally move on.

"Maybe some of us can find answers in Lima," I muttered. Rachel smiled at me and Finn seemed pissed.

"Okay. Tomorrow morning we'll leave for Lima. Now let's get some sleep. I'll do the first watch," Puck finished.

* * *

  **Day 133: Memories**

It was my turn. This was the last stop before we left Lima. Puck and Finn had already registered the house just in case there was something or someone I couldn't see.

It hadn't been easy get there, but thanks to a van full of fuel and using secondary roads, we managed to arrive safe and sound. There were piles of burned corpses on the street and we had a few encounters with the sick, but as I walked through my house's front door, I wished I had decided to head south.

The smell was intact and it attacked my mind bringing back all the memories.

"I can't…" I hissed while turning around to leave, but I bump into someone. Rachel grabbed my arms.

"Quinn, if you don't do this, you will regret it," she said heartily.

"But I-I…" I stammered with my gaze fixed on the floor.

"You can. You are stronger than you think," she encouraged. I looked up into her eyes and felt her strength filling every sense of me.

I nodded and she intertwined her fingers with mine as everybody contemplated the scene. Rachel and I had become very good friends against all odds and the rest of the group was already accustomed to us.

I entered my home with her at my side. I grabbed her hand as if I was hanging from a rope that kept me from falling into the void. My breath quickened as I took the first steps into the living room.

The furniture was full of dirt, the drawers were opened and lot of things were scattered all over the floor. I noticed the alcohol was gone and as I walked more into the house checking the kitchen I felt the fear overcome me.

Rachel had a letter from her dads in her house; the same with Santana and Brittany. Puck couldn't find any letter. What if I didn't have one? Did I prefer not to have one?

As I reached the stairs, I swallowed hard and began to climb upstairs. Rachel was with me all the time while the others waited downstairs.

I walked through the hall leaving the bathroom and the study at my right. My destination was my room. Once we arrived at the closed door, I turned to look at Rachel. She offered me a reassuring smile and we both walked inside.

My room… It was exactly as I remembered it. The pink pattern on the wall my mum and I chose when she divorced my father. My grandmother's nightstand Puck helped me to reform. The white desk where I used to study still with my high school books on it.

Looking at everything made me realize how much I missed my life.

"Oh my god…" I heard Rachel whispering. She was looking straight to the corkboard full of photos with teary eyes.

There were photos of Beth, my mum, the Glee club at Nationals in New York, Puck holding Beth in his arms and a lot more. However Rachel gave special attention to one where I was standing next to Finn at the bottom of my stairs before going to our last Prom. It all had been so perfect that night, until… well, until he had realized he was in love with Rachel and not me.

"I love the corsage you wore that night. A gardenia, your favorite flower," she said casually.

"How do you know that?" I asked shocked.

"I-I don't know," she mumbled, "I suppose you mentioned it." I thought about it. Maybe I had done it at some point.

"Even so, I'm surprised you remember it."

"You'd be surprised what information is stored in my head," she said grinning, "Did you know gardenias mean secret love?"

"No," I answered, "I'm sure Finn wasn't aware of that. I always suspected he didn't choose the corsage."

"Why not?"

"It was too perfect."

Rachel turned to look at me. She seemed nervous. "Quinn, I… have to tell you something…" she began, her eyes shifting. But suddenly her gaze was fixed somewhere behind me. "Look," she whispered nodding forward. I turned around and I saw an envelope with my name on the bed.

I walked towards it letting go of Rachel's hand to pick the letter. I sat on the bed and looked at my mother's writing.

"I'll give you some privacy," Rachel offered.

"No!" I begged, "Please…"

She nodded and sat next to me. I took a deep breath before opening the envelope and unfolding the sheet.

_My dear Quinnie…_

My breath faltered and a knot formed in my stomach. I couldn't. I folded the letter again and closed my eyes. I knew this could happen. I had accepted that I wasn't going to see my mum again, but there was still difficult and extremely painful to read something written by her. It could be the goodbye I was looking for, at least from my mother, because I really thought there was no way I could get news from Shelby or Beth anymore.

Rachel waited for me to start reading again. Finn had been with her when she read her letter. He was her boyfriend after all, but I had nobody. Yes, Puck was there, but we drifted apart since I had started living with Rachel at the quarantine zone.

I opened the letter again and swallowed hard before reading it.

 

_My dear Quinnie,_

_I don't know what is going to happen or if you will read this letter. I am leaving to Chicago with Burt and Carole. If you are reading this, head to Chicago. We will find each other there._

_But… just in the smallest possibility that I can't see you again, I need you to know that I love you more than anything in this world. Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. There is always a tomorrow, and life gives us another opportunity to do things right; you gave me that opportunity and helped me see the person I really am. You accepted me again as your mother and made me feel myself again. I'm proud of you._

_Life is hard, you already know that, but it could get harder now. Become accustomed to that soon, but don't let it defeat you. Decide to fight. Don't give up._

_Never._

_With all my love,_

_Your mother_

 

Tears were running freely through my face when I finished it. Rachel wrapped her arms around my shoulders and snuggled me to her. I buried my face in the crock of her neck and let the tears fall.

It felt strange but, feeling her warmth surrounding me and the light kiss she gave me on the hair made me feel better, protected, but among all things, it made me feel loved.

"Guys!" I heard Santana yelling downstairs. "We have to go. It's getting busy outside."

I left the comfort of Rachel's arms and began cleaning my face. We didn't have too much time for feelings those days.

"You okay?" she asked sweetly.

I nodded. "Let's go," I added standing up and walking towards the door.

"You don't want to take anything?"

"What's the point of remembering a life that will never return?" I asked rhetorically walking outside the room.

"Rachel! Quinn! Get down here now!" Puck said as I reached the last step that led to the floor below.

"Where's Rachel!?" Finn asked alarmed.

I turned around just to check that she wasn't right behind me as I thought she was. I was about to run upstairs, when she appeared at the top of the stairs.

"I'm here!" she announced while joining us. I looked at her as she passed me towards Finn.

"Let's get back to the van," Finn finished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The letter is a mix from several Goodbye Letters written by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Sullivan Ballou and Milada Horáková.  
> I hope you've enjoyed this chapter. Let me know in the comments!


	8. Say it out loud

**Night 136: Say it out loud**

"Quinn, are you alright?" Rachel asked as we all sat around a fire eating some cans.

"Yes," I answered.

I knew why she was asking. Since we left Lima I couldn't bear being near her and I had started avoiding her. I didn't know why I was acting that way. I just didn't want her near me.

She noticed the change on my behavior. It was obvious to everybody, but I couldn't help it. Every time she tried to talk to me I just answered with monosyllables and found something else to do. Well, the truth was that I didn't speak to anyone that much, but Rachel had been an exception until that moment.

I excused myself from the fire and went back to the caravan. I wanted to be alone. It made me feel fine.

I sat at the back of the caravan on one of the beds. It wasn't too big, but it was the safest place we could afford at that moment.

At first, we all slept inside the caravan, but when we found a safer place to stay, we decided to set a camp. We had two tents outside and the caravan had three beds. We took turns to sleep inside the caravan and that day it was my turn to sleep on a more or less comfortable bed.

"Hey," Santana called entering the caravan, "what's wrong with you?" Well, it was about time until someone said something like that.

"Nothing."

"C'mon, Q don't lie to me. You've been avoiding Rachel for days. Why?"

"I didn't," I argued.

"Yes you did," she insisted. "Look, I didn't interfere in your friendship because I thought that she was helping you to come through your shit and believe me I was quite offended that you chose her, but if it was good for you, then it was good for me. But now all I can see is you going back to that little bubble of yours and I don't know why, so I'm asking you. Why?"

"I don't know," I confessed without looking at her.

"You don't know? Really?" she pushed.

"I don't, okay!?" I snapped.

"Okay Q, you don't want to talk to me? Fine! But you really need to get your shit together and speak to her. She cares about you and I know you care about her too, so stop being an asshole and do something about it," she finished before leaving the caravan and slamming the door hard.

I just ignored her and got into the bed before someone else came. Rachel and Puck had to sleep on the caravan that night, so my plan was to pretend that I was asleep to avoid any possible confrontation.

Not even two minutes passed when the door opened again. My eyes were closed and I was trying to breathe like I was asleep. I recognized the steps instantly. Rachel was there. She stopped just in front of my bed and then the silence invaded the place.

"I know you're awake," she eventually said.

"I'm tired," I answered not opening my eyes.

"I'm worried about you," she admitted.

"I'm okay," I lied.

I noticed an extra weight on my bed so I opened my eyes to confirm that she was on the mattress. I finally gave up and sat up. I wasn't going to escape that conversation.

"You're not okay," she insisted "I'm not the only one who thinks you've been avoiding everyone, especially me." She waited for me to say something but seeing that I wasn't going to say a word she continued, "Quinn, if you don't want to be near me anymore I accept it, but please tell me what I did wrong, because this is killing me."

Fuck. I wasn't prepared to see that puppy face. I didn't even know what to tell her, because I didn't know what the hell happened. I just felt… responsible for her? Too attached?

"You did nothing wrong. It's not your fault. It's just that… It doesn't make sense." What could I say to her?  _I just freak out and got frightened about nothing in particular, so I hurt you with no apparent reason just like I had done every day for the past years._

"What?"

"I don't know how to explain it," I confessed honestly looking into her eyes.

"You can try," she offered. No, I couldn't because my reasons were stupid.

"It's just a feeling I have, but I can't define it. I'm afraid, but I feel safe and strong at the same time. It's like…" I sighed. "I don't know… I just… I don't want to lose you," I whispered with a shy smile on my lips, "to lose any of you," I added just because I felt it was needed.

"So you decided to avoid everybody because you don't want to lose us?" she asked confused.

"I told you it didn't make sense," I said shrugging my shoulders.

She waited a few seconds and then her fingers were entwined with mine. "You're not losing anyone. We are together and we're doing great," she assured.

"You don't know that," I said looking at her. "I keep thinking why we are still here. I turned left when we ran into the forest at the beginning. Mike and Tina turned right and they are not here. When we ran away from the quarantine zone, I was going to sit in the front seat of the car. Carole told me to go to the back seat and she is not here anymore."

"That wasn't your fault," she said almost offended.

"No, it wasn't. It was just luck or fate, you can call it whatever you want, but it came about by chance and it was because of a random decision that I'm still here and Carole or Tina are gone. At least before you could control some aspects of your life, now, we just walk with no direction and no purpose," I finished looking down at our joined hands.

"We do have a purpose Quinn," she intervened smiling.

"Yeah? Tell me," I said hopeless.

"Live."

"You should say survive," I corrected.

"No, I mean live. The world isn't the same anymore. Most of the people we loved are gone. Our future is uncertain and we don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, but we have each other and we should seize that. You can control your will to live and your strength to keep fighting. There are people who care about you… I care about you Quinn," she muttered as if she was ashamed.

I looked at her and felt how her chocolate brown eyes melted with mine. Maybe I was a coward for running away from her, for not wanting to be in the position where her life depends on some random act, because I was sure that I would blame myself for it. Maybe I hadn't blamed myself for what happened with Carole or Tina, but I would do it for Rachel.

I cared about everybody, but there was something special about her. She had helped me more than anyone. I was afraid that the more I cared, the more chances I had to lose her. It was an irrational thought, but I couldn't help it.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "I've been acting like an asshole."

"It's okay. Everybody has their ups and downs, but next time, please, talk to me," she said getting closer to me on the bed and hugging me.

"Promise," I conceded while I wrapped my arms around her.

I felt her warmth instantly. I hadn't realized how much I had missed it. I had to get rid of my insecurities, or at least, hide them and accept that I could not always save those I cared for.

But one thing was clear. I would do anything that was in my hand to save her. Of that I was sure. She saved me and I would do the same if the time came.

"Quinn, I have something for you," she said withdrawing from the embrace. "I've waiting to give it to you for a while now."

"What is it?" I asked curiously.

She then took a photo from her pocket. When I saw the paper, I instantly knew what it was.

"It's a photo I took from your corkboard. You said it wasn't worth it to have memories, but I think that we should remember how it was before and what we left behind, because what would mean that we're human and that the life we're living now it's not the right one."

She handed me the photo and my my breath caught in my throat when I saw Beth's face.

"I thought you'd want to have it," she offered.

I didn't know what to do. I observed the photo in Rachel's hand. I had Beth in my arms and we were looking at each other while I smiled.

"I don't know what to say," I said looking at Rachel and then again at the photo.

"You don't have to say anything. Just take it."

"Rachel, I… I'm not sure if I want to remember that part of my life."

"You're not going to forge it with or without the photo, so what's the matter?"

"Okay," I agreed taking the photo and gazing at it. I looked so happy. "Thank you Rach," I offered with tears in my eyes.

"You're welcome."

That night we both slept in each other's arms.

* * *

**Night 141: Questions**

"Do you ever think about how it was before all began?" Rachel prompted as we sat on the grass looking at the dark valley in front of us.

"I used to," I confessed.

So finally the topic was the past.

Rachel had come to keep me company while I was on guard, but that was the first sentence she said since she had arrived an hour ago. Even if it sounded unbelievable, we could be in a comfortable silence with no need to speak. Well, it was more unbelievable for her, because she usually couldn't stay quiet more than five minutes.

"I always wanted to ask you something, but I never had the courage to do it back then and when all went to hell, I simply thought that it was stupid. But seeing how things are now and that they are going to be this way for a while… well, I said to myself, why not?" It had been quite a while since I had heard Rachel rambling. Before I hated it, and now it was comforting.

"You're scaring me," I grinned downplaying the issue.

"It's stupid, but I wanted to ask you. Well, in fact I have two questions."

"Okay, go ahead," I said turning to look at her.

"Do you remember after Regionals last year when… well, the accident?" she asked hesitantly.

"Yes." Of course I remembered it. It was something difficult to forget.

"Before it happened, you came dressed in your cheerleader uniform," she paused, "and you said something…"

"I agreed to go to the wedding," I prompted.

"Yeah, but you said something else before. Do you remember what you said?"

I tried to recall the moment, but the only thing I remembered was Rachel hugging me and thanking me. I shook my head at her question and she continued.

"Well, you literally said: 'When you were singing the song, you were singing it to Finn'," she took a breath before continuing, "and you then you added, 'and only Finn'," she finished looking at me with hopeful eyes.

"Yeah, I think I remembered it now."

"Well, I always wondered what you meant when you said that."

"I suppose I wanted to make sure you were sure about him," I held. "You know what I thought about getting married at our age."

"I know, but why did you say 'and only Finn'?" she insisted.

What kind of question was that? They were just three words I had said with no meaning.

"I-I don't know. I don't think there was a special reason," I replied honestly.

"Oh." She seemed disappointed, so I tried to explain myself.

"Maybe it was because I wanted to be sure you had always Finn on your mind."

"Who else I would have?" she asked expectantly.

"I don't know. You had been with Jess, you cheated on Finn with Puck. There were other guys in your life."

"Guys…" she said more to herself than to me and then she laughed.

"Why are you laughing?"

"It's just that after all this time I wondered what you meant and it turned out that it was nothing in particular." I just looked at her while she watched the moon.

"And what's the second question?" I asked.

"Forget it. It's not important."

"C'mon Rachel, you're dying to say it."

"Well, yes, a little bit, but…"

"But?"

"Nothing." She was acting really weird. "It's about our last Prom." The moment she mentioned the dance I regretted asking her, because I already knew where things were going.

"What about it?" I asked hesitantly.

"I was chosen Prom Queen when I wasn't presenting myself to be elected and I'm pretty sure I wasn't even voted."

"Why you say that? People were aware about your talent and you were dating the quarterback."

"No one in that school approved my relationship with Finn and you know it," she said sadly, "Everybody was waiting for him to come back to you."

"That's ridiculous."

"It's the truth. That's why I guess the voters didn't have anything to do with my election." She looked at me and I gulped. "Quinn, don't make me ask you the obvious question."

"I-I just thought that I could do something good for you, although that didn't make it up for all the bad that I had done," I confessed.

"I knew it was you."

"Well, it was Santana too," I added. She ignored that comment.

"This means more to me than if I had been really elected by McKinley." She then got up, "I should probably get some sleep, but thank you for this," she finished.

"Why?" I asked before she could leave. "I mean, why it means so much?" I said innocently.

"Because you chose to give away your dream for someone else and that someone else was me."

I was left with an odd sensation. I had never seen it that way. In fact, I'd just thought that I had left McKinley doing something good for someone who deserved it, but giving it another thought, Rachel was right. I had put aside my dream, so she could be happy. And by doing so, I had made myself happy.

That was a totally different point of view.

 


	9. Hallucination

**Day 152: Hallucination**

"No incidents in almost two months," Finn said approaching me. I was collecting wood for the fire near the forest.

It was almost winter and it was getting colder. We had talked about the possibility of moving to the south and find a safer place, but we hadn't decided it yet.

"Yes," I panted, "this place is almost isolated." I was surprised Finn was speaking to me, because we usually didn't talk unless we were in group.

"Do you need any help?" he asked looking at the pile of wood and back at me.

"No, I'm fine. I'm near the camp, so you don't have to worry," I offered stopping woodcutting and looking at him.

"Don't get me wrong. I'm not worried about you. I'm sure you can take care of yourself. You always could," he said apologetically.

"I guess that's a compliment."

"It is, but I didn't come here to compliment you. I want to talk about Rachel," he confessed.

"What about her?"

"Well, you two became very good friends and I was wondering if she told you something about me." Suddenly I felt like coming back to high school.

"No, we never talk about you honestly. Why do you ask?"

"She's acting weird and I think it has something to do with me, because she only does it when I'm around. She seems detached, like she's not here. Y'know what I mean?"

"I don't know Finn. I haven't noticed it." It was the truth. "Maybe she's just worried about something. Have you talked to her about this?"

"No."

"You guys always tend to look for answers in the wrong places," I mentioned, not surprised. "You should speak with her and not with your ex-girlfriend."

"Maybe you're not the ideal person to ask, but since you two are so close I thought she might have told you something."

"I'm sorry Finn. She didn't."

"Okay. Then I leave you back to the wood. Thanks anyway," he said before turning around and walking back to the camp.

I was left there confused. That had been weird. Finn and I did not use to talk and Rachel didn't mention him in any of our conversations. To be honest, when she spoke with me it seemed like Finn didn't exist for her.

Maybe they were going through a tough time, but I wasn't going to ask Rachel about it. I was sure she wouldn't feel comfortable talking with me about it. Although things were different, the past was still there and we couldn't always ignore it.

"Hi," Rachel greeted without warning.

I jumped at her voice. "You scared me!"

"That's not good, what if I had been an infected?" she asked folding her arms and pretending she was disappointed.

"Very funny," I replied sarcastically. "Weren't you helping Brittany to pick hazelnuts?"

"There aren't too much left. Winter is coming."

"So we'll have to go for supplies?" That was never good news, because it involved danger and risking our lives.

"Probably, but I don't want to think about it. What was Finn doing here?"

"Oh, he was just checking up on me."

"C'mon Quinn. I can tell when you're lying now."

"So you couldn't before?"

"Let's say that you are less mysterious to me now," she clarified with a playful smile on her lips. "So tell me, what did he want?"

"He wanted to know if I knew something about you two. He said you are acting weird. But, as I know nothing, I just told him that."

"I see. Good. Thanks," she said eagerly.

"Is everything alright between you and Finn?"

"Yeah, I guess it is. We've had better moments, but we're fine." She was fidgeting. That was never a good sign.

"Okay. I'm glad you have Finn."

"Well, you have Noa."

"Oh no, I don't," I replied almost laughing. "It would be the obvious thing to happen, because we have a special bond, y'know, but we're just friends. I'm not in love with him," I finished, remembering that  _the special bond_  didn't exist anymore.

"You wish you have someone?" Rachel asked nervously.

"Honestly? No. I don't want that kind of complication right now. I think we have enough to worry about." I added with a small pause.

"And you have me!" Rachel encouraged.

"You're right. I have you." I smiled truthfully.

"Do you need any help?" she suggested.

"Sure. I left a pile of wood not too far from here. You can stay here chopping this and I'll go to pick up the rest," I suggested.

"Don't you think I can go into the forest?" she asked disappointed.

"No!" I replied quickly, "It's just that I prefer if you stay here."

"Okay. We're going to do this: You stay here cutting wood and I'll go for the rest. Is that okay?" she insisted, giving no chance to argue.

"Okay," I agreed. "It's next to the creek. Just go straight ahead and you'll see it."

"I'll be back before you know it," she finished entering the forest.

I looked at her as she walked among the leafless trees. The floor was full of fallen leaves, but they were wet, so it didn't make too much noise when you walked through them. There was a small slope leading to the creek and that was where I lost sight of Rachel.

It was impossible not to worry, but I had seen her handling some infected, so I trusted her to take care of herself. Besides, there was no sign of danger nearby.

I sighed and got back to work. One log, two logs, three… I checked my clock. Five minutes passed since she left. Was it too much? Honestly, who cared if it was too much or not?

I took the axe and walked into the forest. I didn't even walk three steps when I heard a scream. I quickly reacted and began running towards the creek.

"Rachel!" I shouted when I arrived at the creek.

"I'm here," she announced.

My eyes landed on her. She was lying on the floor with mud all over her clothing. I looked around and saw nothing. No infected there.

"Are you okay?" I asked from the top of the slope.

"Yes, I'm fine," she confirmed upset. "I tripped and fell rolling down here. I think my leg is caught on something."

"And you were upset because I didn't want you to pick the rest of the wood?" I said mockingly.

"It's not funny. I put on clean clothes this morning." That made me laugh.

"Let me help you," I offered as I descended the slope.

The ground was much muddy there by the proximity of the river. I could understand why she fell and I understood it even more when my feet betrayed me and I ended up on the floor next to her.

"Fuck!" I exclaimed while her laugh filled the place. "It's not funny!"

"Oh, yes it is," she said between laughs.

I got up quickly and looked down at her with arms crossed. "If you want me to help you, you have to stop laughing."

"C'mon Quinn, help me," she asked still laughing lightly and stretching out her arm towards me.

I had to admit it was the first time I laughed in weeks, so I couldn't stop the smile forming on my lips and the honest laughter that came after it.

I extended my hand towards hers and when she circled my arm with her fingers she pulled down, causing me to fall on top of her.

She began laughing out loud and I couldn't help but join her. My lungs burned with laughter like they hadn't done in months.

But the moment didn't last too long. As I looked down at her, our laughs began fading, until we were only looking at each other in silence. Her expression changed completely. She was serious and concentrated with her eyes locked with mine.

I didn't know what was happening, but I knew I didn't want to get up. I got lost in her eyes as I admired the beauty of emotions hidden behind them. Her eyes began travelling along my face and landed somewhere lower. Then, they were back on mine.

She lifted her hand and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. Her fingers ended tangled in my hair and her head began to move towards me. In that moment I realized what was happening, but I honestly couldn't believe it. Was she going to kiss me? Was I going to let her kiss me?

"Rachel!" I heard Finn yelling nearby.

I quickly moved away from her and got up incredible fast. I looked around and saw Finn and Santana at the top of the slope.

"Are you alright?" Finn asked worriedly approaching us with Santana at his side.

"Yes, she just fell down. I was trying to help her," I explained nervously. Why was I nervous?

"We heard the scream and we thought that-"

"I'm fine," Rachel interrupted coldly. "Help me up," she ordered.

I took a step back and allowed Finn to help her. When she was back on her feet, she locked eyes with me. I found myself wanting to know what she was thinking, but I couldn't.

"Let's go," she finally said and then began walking out of the forest. Finn followed her, but turned around when he noticed I wasn't following them.

"You coming?" he asked.

"N-no," I stammered, "I'm gonna finish collecting the wood," I explained pointing at the log pile.

"Do you need help?" Santana asked.

"No, I'm fine."

"I'll help you anyway," she insisted.

"We'll get back to the camp," Finn informed. Rachel continued walking and soon both where out of sight.

I honestly wanted to be alone at that moment, but somehow Santana distracted me from my thoughts with some story about Brittany and a cat they had found.

As the conversation flowed and we finished collecting and cutting wood, I convinced myself that everything had been hallucinations.

Rachel Berry definitely didn't try to kiss me and I definitely didn't want that to happen, because, why would I?

* * *

**Day 161: Music**

"Okay, Rachel and I will check the bar and you two check the pharmacy," I said to Kurt and Santana.

It was the second time we came to that village searching for goods and, in general, anything we could use. It was a quiet place and was almost deserted. Plus, Brittany had flu and Finn was getting ill too, so we needed medicines. The pharmacy and the first aid kit at the bar could be useful.

Rachel and I walked slowly to the bar, while Kurt and San walked in the opposite direction to the pharmacy.

"It's the first time we go to that bar, so we need to check if there's something inside first," I informed.

At my words, Rachel grabbed the axe harder, so did I with my baseball bat. We had any guns. We had discussed several times the possibility to travel to a biggest city and looked for a gun shop, but we were doing fine at the moment and travelling to a city was too risky.

As we approached the bar, we checked the windows and saw nothing but corpses inside. I opened the door and entered the place first with Rachel at my back.

"I think it's clear," I whispered, covering my nose because of the smell. I couldn't get used to that smell. It was nauseating and quite foul, just rotting meat. Too much corpses meant that someone had been there before, so probably there weren't going to be many goods left.

"I hate this smell," Rachel said. "I'll check the store. You check here," she almost demanded.

"No," I said, "We check the store together and then we'll check the rest of the bar."

She stopped walking and looked at me. "You don't trust me, do you?" she affirmed disappointed.

"I do trust you, but we'll go together and that's it," I ordered.

She rolled her eyes and continued walking towards the door at the back of the bar. We knocked and waited for some noise at the other side. Nothing. We opened it and it was just empty.

"Can I check the store now?" she asked sarcastically. I just smiled and went back to the bar.

No water on the taps and no alcohol on the sheds or the cooler. Just nothing.

"Great," I muttered to myself leaning on the bar and looking down.

Then I noticed something on the floor. The wooden plank, on which I was standing, seemed to be moving more than the rest. I emphasized my movements and saw the plank rising slightly.

I kneeled on the floor and with my knife I lifted the wooden floor and, bingo! A shotgun with some ammo boxes.

"I found something!" I shouted while I picked everything and put it in my bag.

"Me too!" Rachel answered. Two seconds after, music started playing. I couldn't recognize the song from there, so I picked up everything and went to the back store.

As I entered, Rachel was next to a radio cassette and 'Take My Breath Away' was playing. She looked back at me and smiled.

"You sang this song at our last Prom," she reminded sadly.

How could I forget it? Rachel had become Prom Queen and I had finally got up from that stupid chair. It had been a good night. In fact it had been one of the best nights of my whole life.

"You looked beautiful that night while you danced with Finn. You deserved it," I said almost absentmindedly. She just lowered her head. "Are you crying?" I asked walking towards her. I cupped her cheek with my right hand.

She nodded and looked up at me. "I miss those days," she muttered before starting to cry harder.

I just hugged her and tried to comfort her. As she cried on my chest while we listened to the song, I recalled the conversation we had had at the hall, just before Santana and I had counted the votes.

I had stood there watching her say all those nice words and I had said nothing, even if I had wanted to. Then Santana had interrupted us and Rachel had left.

"You didn't need to apologize for anything that night," I said without any explanation. "You had every right to be angry and…" I gulped and she left my chest to look up at me. "I had never told you that in all those years at high school I had never seen you the way everybody thought I did."

"What do you mean?" she asked confused.

"Well, as you said at Prom, I didn't understand what I meant to you, but you never understood what you had always meant to me, and I'd never really got the chance or the guts to say it." I took a deep breath and tried to find the words even if it didn't make sense to say them after all those years. "I was popular and it could seem that I had everything I wanted, but I didn't. I was never sure of myself and I felt the pressure every day, because everybody was expecting for me to be perfect and I wasn't. But then I looked at you, and I saw all the confidence in which you did things, and all that passion… I envied you and at that time you had more than I, even if you didn't see it." She was looking at me expectantly. "I knew Finn loved you and I was sure you would get anything you wanted in your life. You were, and are, beautiful and passionate about everything you do. You inspired me in more than one occasion and I apologize for every time I've made you think otherwise. Could you forgive me?" I asked with tears in my eyes.

"I've already done it. Long ago," Rachel answered truthfully.

I nodded and she hugged her. With the music playing and my eyes closed, I almost forgot where we were.

Then she began moving slowly and I realized that we were dancing. Maybe she was remembering the dance with Finn and she was just letting herself go. I just tried to enjoy the moment and forget the world had gone to hell.

"After Prom, I thought you and Joe will end up together," Rachel said suddenly.

"No, he was a great support and I wish he was here, but I didn't love him, even if he hit with the corsage that night," I remembered playfully.

"Yeah, he did," she agreed, stopping the dancing. "Let's not drain the batteries," she suggested stopping the music.

"That reminds me, you were going to say something at my house, before I found the letter from my mum."

Rachel closed her eyes as she had been caught. "When exactly?" she asked taking the radio cassette.

"Just when we were looking at my photo with Finn. The corsage thing bring that back."

"I don't remember. I'm sure it was nothing important," she said, downplaying the issue.

"C'mon, I'm sure you remember. What was it?" I insisted.

"Okay," she agreed giving up. "I was just… Well, I wanted to tell you that… I-I-" That was new. Rachel was stammering and it seemed like she couldn't find the words.

"Rach, it's okay, just tell me," I encouraged.

"Well, it's that… I was the one who tell Finn what to buy," she confessed quickly and looking anywhere but me. "Yeah, that's it. That was what I wanted to tell you," she repeated nervously. Something told me that there was something more, but I didn't want to push it.

"I knew it! I mean, I didn't know it was you, but I knew he didn't choose that corsage."

"No, he did choose it, I just gave him some instructions," she rectified humbly.

"Why did you do that? I mean, you loved him and you wanted to be with him, but still you helped him to buy me a corsage? I don't get it." I was confused.

"I just wanted you, I mean, both of you, to be happy."

"You're always thinking about everybody else but you," I said smiling.

"Not always, but sometimes." She smiled back at me.

"Well, in that case, thank you, again. Now let's get out of here," I said turning around.

"Quinn?" I looked back at her and she was fidgeting.

"Is everything alright?" I asked worriedly.

"Don't you think we should talk?" she suggested.

"About what?" I said confused.

"About what happened in the forest," she recalled nervously.

I had wished the issue was not brought up and I had almost forgotten about it (almost) until that exact moment. Honestly, it disturbed me. I was afraid that the way I saw Rachel had changed after that day and I wasn't sure if I wanted that. Besides, I didn't know what to expect or what to feel, so I didn't want to talk about it, let alone with her.

"What exactly happened?" I decided it was best to pretend nothing happened. It had been just nothing. Two friends that cared for each other, just that.

She looked at me shocked, her eyes full of sadness. She nodded to herself, acknowledging something I wasn't aware of.

"I guess nothing," she whispered walking past me.

I had just hurt her and I did not know exactly why or how. What was happening?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, what do you think? Is Quinn finally realizing what is happening? And what about Finn?


End file.
